"Do not do what you hate," Excerpts from Tom Fox's Iraq Blog (Part 1)

Editors, Electronic Iraq, 11 March 2006

Tom Fox, age 54, lived in Clearbrook, Virginia and was a dedicated father of two children. For the past two years, Mr. Fox worked with CPT in partnership with Iraqi human rights organizations to promote peace. Mr. Fox was a practicing Quaker for 22 years. While in Iraq, he sought a more complete understanding of Islamic cultural richness and was committed to telling the truth to U.S. citizens about the horrors of war and its effects on ordinary Iraqi civilians and families as a result of U.S. policies and practices. Mr. Fox was an accomplished musician who played the bass clarinet and the recorder and he loved to cook. He also worked as a professional grocer. Mr. Fox devoted much of his time to working with children. He served as an adult leader of youth programs and worked at a Quaker camp for youth. He facilitated young people’s participation in opposing war and violence. Mr. Fox was a quiet and peaceful man, respectful of everyone, who believed that "there is that of God in every person" which is why work for peace was so important to him.

On March 10th, 2005, after more than three months as a hostage in Iraq, his body was found by police in a Baghdad neighborhood.

WAITING IN THE LIGHT

Intermittently during his time in Iraq, Tom Fox posted to a blog he titled Waiting in the Light. Visitors to the blog were greeted with a quote by George Fox, the founder of the Religious Society of Friends, or the Quakers, amongst whom Tom Fox worshipped for 22 years.

"Be patterns, be examples in every country,place,or nation that you visit," George Fox wrote, "so that your bearing and life might communicate with all people. Then you’ll happily walk across the earth to evoke that of God in everybody. So that you will be seen as a blessing in their eyes and you will receive a blessing from that of God within them."

Tom Fox traveled to Baghdad with Christian Peacemaker Teams (CPT) in late November 2005. On October 1st, in a post time-stamped 10:01 AM (local time where he had his home in Clearbrook, Virginia), he introduced himself cautiously to whomever was listening:

"You should take these first impressions of Baghdad with several grains of salt," he wrote. "The first being I have only been in the city for seven days and have never been to the Near East before. The next grain is that I have only been a CPTer for fifty days having just taken the training in Chicago in July and August 2004. The final grain is that I have no previous background in peacemaking, having spent the last ten years working for a natural foods company and before that having spent the remainder of my adult life as a musician."

A committed Christian pacifist, Fox next quoted from the Gospel of Thomas (a text as unfamiliar in mainstream Christianity as the model for Christian nonviolence that Fox and CPT were attempting to build in Baghdad):

"Do not lie and do not do what you hate."

With that, Fox launched into a succinct indictment of what he saw as an unbroken line of brutally mishandled power in Iraq:

"It has become increasing evident to me that after stripping away all the rationales for the US invasion of Iraq, what is left is the reality that the current U.S. Administration felt compelled to invade from a basis of hate. I can envision them saying, ‘Saddam is evil. We hate evil. Therefore we need to rid the world of this evil man and his cronies.’ I can see that actions taken by Saddam could lead them to feel hatred towards him. He and his associates built palaces and enclaves where they lived in luxury while across the Tigris River was a slum where over a million residents of Baghdad lived in poverty and squalor. He maintained control of the country by devoting huge amounts of material resources to his military and security forces, a decision that allowed the infrastructure of the city to deteriorate. And most hateful of all was his use of imprisonment and torture to keep the population of Baghdad living in a state of fear.

"My impression of Baghdad in my first seven days is that most of the American and Iraqi interim government officials have sequestered themselves in palaces and enclaves, which has served to disconnect them from the majority of the population. These officials are devoting a significant amount of material resources to maintain both military and contracted security organizations while the already marginal infrastructure continues to deteriorate. And in the continuing cycle of hatred … there are elements of the society that are using terrorist tactics to try to destabilize the American forces and the interim government. Their actions and the response by the American forces keep the population in a state of fear and uncertainty. An insurgent mortar round aimed at an American target might just as well fall into a residential area. If a person is unlucky enough to live in an area where insurgents are suspected of living … his or her own life and property are at risk when an Apache helicopter launches its vast arsenal of lethal weaponry."

"Do not do what you hate," Fox repeats three times at the end of his first post, repeating the mantra three times, the text becoming smaller each time until it seems a whisper, or, in the wake of his tragic death, a desperate cry from the beyond.

A REJECTION OF FIGHT AND FLIGHT

Many of Fox’s posts ring ominous now that he is gone. His second post, simply titled "Safety," plays with the word a bit, pitting his own metaphysical sense of the word against that of the armed convoys, insurgents and neighbors who surrounded him in Baghdad.

"The building across from our apartment houses the Baghdad offices of a political party. They have at least two armed guards patrolling outside with their Kalashnakov rifles 24/7. Most offices, apartment buildings and hotels (and even places of worship) employ full-time armed security guards. It is culturally acceptable in this part of the world for people to have at least a rifle or pistol as part of their household possessions. The U.S. forces here in Baghdad are of course armed with a bit more … And [there are] the small number of insurgents whose weapons lack the sophistication of the U.S. [but] never seem to lack for ammunition … On some level I’m convinced that I’m living in the most heavily armed city in the world.

"Excluding criminals, terrorists and psychopaths, my sense is that most people would describe their need to possess a weapon in terms of safety … I’m trying to imagine what it would be like if we had a pistol or rifle in our CPT apartment here … would I feel safer than I do now? As with our neighbors at the political party office, I would assume we would need to keep the weapon ‘on display,’ so to speak. My sense is that people feel that letting ‘the bad guys’ know that they have a weapon acts as a deterrent. So would I feel safer? I am clear that I would not feel safer.

"But heck, if I’m wrong and if in fact guns do create a feeling of safety, then I’m already living in the safest city in the world right now, so what do I have to worry about?"

Kidnapping was always on Fox’s mind. No doubt it was always on the mind of any foreigner in Iraq. Fox confronted his ultimate fate in his third post, which he began, as he often did, with a quote, this time from Gandhi:

"If an attacker inspires anger or fear in my heart, it means that I have not purged myself of violence. To realize nonviolence means to feel within you its strength - soul force - to know God. A person who has known God will be incapable of harboring anger or fear within him [or her], no matter how overpowering the cause for that anger or fear may be."

Here is how Fox applied Gandhi’s very challenging, some would say impossible, notions to post-invasion Baghdad:

"When I allow myself to become angry I disconnect from God and connect with the evil force that empowers fighting. When I allow myself to become fearful I disconnect from God and connect with the evil force that encourages flight. I take Gandhi and Jesus at their word - if I am not one with God then I am one with Satan. I don’t think Gandhi would use that word but Jesus certainly did, on numerous occasions. The French theologian Rene Girard has a very powerful vision of Satan that speaks to me: ‘Satan sustains himself as a parasite on what God creates by imitating God in a manner that is jealous, grotesque, perverse and as contrary as possible to the loving and obedient imitation of Jesus.’

"If I am not to fight or flee in the face of armed aggression, be it the overt aggression of the army or the subversive aggression of the terrorist, then what am I to do? … Here in Iraq I struggle with that second form of aggression … how do you stand firm against a car-bomber or a kidnapper?

"It seems easier somehow to confront anger within my heart than it is to confront fear. But if Jesus and Gandhi are right then I am not to give in to either. I am to stand firm against the kidnapper as I am to stand firm against the soldier. Does that mean I walk into a raging battle to confront the soldiers? Does that mean I walk the streets of Baghdad with a sign saying ‘American for the Taking’ No to both counts. But if Jesus and Gandhi are right, then I am asked to risk my life and, if I lose it, to be as forgiving as they were when murdered by the forces of Satan. I struggle to stand firm but I’m willing to keep working at it."

"NOT A LIFE SPENT BEHIND GATES AND WALLS"

The kidnapping and murder of aid worker Margaret Hassan in November 2004 was a tragic anomaly when it happened: a person so clearly focused only on helping Iraqis, a person with a clear record of authenticity and integrity, abducted and murdered without any regard for a remarkably diverse and international appeal for her release.

When Tom Fox grappled with that tragedy in his blog, he left us with words we might now use to grapple with his own horribly parallel fate:

"She lived a life with the people of Iraq," Fox wrote, "not a life spent behind gates and walls.

"Finally it seems as if she gave away her life. Individuals who resort to any means in order to justify their ends appear to have taken it from her … CPT in Iraq prays that these individuals can reconnect with their humanity. We pray for healing for her family, friends and coworkers. We understand that the Quran teaches that an innocent person who is killed travels as quickly as does light to the gates of Paradise.

"While Margaret’s light may now be in Paradise her physical presence is no longer with the people of Iraq. We ask all people who have lived in her light and all who seek the light to resolve to continue the work she began. She lived a life of courage in the midst of fear. We are called to do the same, no matter what the consequences.

"Margaret modeled an extravagant way of living for others."

IMAGINE

Amidst Fox’s grappling with the tough issues of conquering fear in one of the most fright-filled places on earth, there were portraits of ordinary life lived in extraordinary conditions.

In one of his last posts of 2004, Fox writes of a visit to a friend’s house, and asks us to forget if we can the "broad strokes" in American and even Arab media and wrap our minds around the war as experienced in every corner of Iraqi life.

"Last week [CPT Iraq team member] Maxine Nash and I visited a friend of the team at his home. Nuir (not his real name) invited us for dinner and to spend the night. A number of things related to that visit seemed quite ‘normal’ for life here in Baghdad. But trying to put in the context of what is normal in North America really strained my imagination.

"Visiting their home: Nuir picked us up after dark to minimize the possibility of our being seen going into his house. Maxine and I wore Iraqi head coverings, again to minimize the likelihood that someone might see him bringing Westerners to his home. Imagine: You live in North America and you invite some friends who are visiting from Japan over to your home. You tell them not to arrive until after dark and to please wear the caps and jerseys of the local high school football team to help them blend in.

"Getting around: On the way to and from their home we saw lines of cars, some stretching for several miles, waiting to get gas. There is a major fuel crisis in the country with the price of fuel going up dramatically in the past month. The price has increased as much as 500% on the regular market and 2-3000% on the black market. Imagine: You get up in the middle of the night or even spend the night parked in a line waiting for the gas station to open. If you don’t have the time to do that, you pay twenty times more than what you have been paying, knowing that it will affect the amount of food and other necessities you can purchase that week.

"In their home: Nuir lives with his wife and two children, ages six and eleven. We spent most of the night with kerosene lamps for light because their neighborhood is getting only about two hours of electricity per day. He has a battery-powered converter that gives the family enough power to run a couple of lights and the television for an additional three to four hours. Imagine: You have to structure your home life around two hours of electric power a day. That will limit your ability to do things like use a computer, play music, listen to television or use any electric appliances you might have like a washer and dryer.

"Children: Their son doesn’t live with them. He lives with a grandmother. One reason for this is security. The grandmother lives very close to his school so he stays with her to avoid walking home through areas that have had numerous instances of kidnapping and robbery. The family lives in a second story apartment and their daughter can’t play outside in their neighborhood due to the lack of security. She can only play outside at the grandmother’s because she has an enclosed backyard. Imagine: Your children are confined inside your home at all times. The only outside activity they have is when you visit a relative who has a walled enclosure around his or her backyard.

"Business: Nuir has a small shop selling stationery items and business is suffering. Many of his customers come from outside the Baghdad area. They are not able to come to his shop because it is extremely dangerous to drive on the roads leading into the city. Bandits force cars off the road to rob the passengers. Religious extremists do the same looking for foreigners or people from religious sects other than their own to either assault or kill them. Imagine: The customers for your business can’t reach you for fear of being robbed or killed traveling on the main highways into your town.

"You might imagine that this family’s circumstances are much worse that those of other friends, contacts and partners of CPT in Iraq," Fox writes. "Actually their circumstances are better that most. Imagine."

A LAND OF SHADOWS AND DARKNESS

When news of the abduction of Tom Fox, Jim Loney, Harmeet Sooden and Norman Kember hit, Rush Limbaugh spoke words that were echoed endlessly by conservative pundits and bloggers: "Part of me likes this," he said. "Well, here’s why I like it. I like any time a bunch of leftist feel-good hand-wringers are shown reality."

Fox’s blog is a clear indicator, if one was truly needed, that his abduction was not the beginning of his reality-check in Iraq.

On Christmas Day 2005, just about one year prior to his abduction, Fox framed the reality he had been shown in Iraq with typical raw eloquence. He describes "a very clear image" that came to him at a CPT team worship soon after the kidnapping of Margaret Hassan:

"It was of a land of shadows and darkness. But within that land candles were burning; not many but enough to shed some light on the landscape.

"I have been reflecting on two very bright and powerful lights I have had the privilege of getting to know in Iraq over the last several months. One is a an Iraqi who is a member of the Dominican Order. The other is a teacher who also works for a human rights organization. Both have no illusions regarding the dark times their country is facing. But both have a vision of a land of peace that they are working to bring to fruition. As for the current situation in his country the Dominican Father says, ‘I am prudent. I try to be wise. But I have no fear. This is my rule - I have no fear but I seek prudence and wisdom.’ The human rights worker said, ‘I believe that the foundation of all major religions (Islam, Christianity, Judaism and Buddhism) is peace. But it is a peace from within not a peace imposed from without.’

"Fearless, prudent and wise. We in CPT need to work to find a balance between all three of these character traits. But is its my sense that removing ourselves from the shadows and darkness will never create the capacity for those living in the shadows to grow in the light."

Fox left Iraq shortly after this post for a visit to Israel and Palestine and then a couple months of rest back home in America.

On February 27, he gave a talk at Northern Virginia Mennonite Church and posted it on Waiting in the Light.

"Being part of Christian Peacemaker Teams in Iraq has led me to many ‘firsts’," he told the Northern Virginia congregation, "first time in a war zone, first time being targeted as ‘the enemy’ due to being an American, now the first time to stand before a religious community as a member of CPT and give a talk during a worship service. And I would have to say that I am more nervous about this ‘first’ than I was about the others.

"As a member of a silent Quaker Meeting one aspect of the Mennonite tradition I have learned to appreciate is that of looking to Scripture as a basis for one’s spiritual journey. And so it seemed appropriate to use a passage from scripture as the basis of this talk. The passage that I was led to use this morning is from the Letter of James.

This is from the first chapter of James, verses 19-22. ‘Each of you must be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to be angry. For a person’s anger cannot promote the justice of God. Away then with all that is unclean, and the malice that hurries to excess. Quietly accept the messages planted in your hearts, which can bring you salvation. Only be sure that your act on the messages and do not merely listen to them.’

"We did a lot of listening in Iraq with CPT and the stories we heard were not always easy to hear. And after hearing them I would often find myself becoming quick to pass judgment on others and quick to become angry. The first times I participated in human rights documentation was last September. We interviewed an Iraqi, Dr. Ammad, who had been detained by American forces in May of 2003. He was imprisoned for six months during which time he was subjected to many of the interrogation methods you are all too familiar with. He said that the people abusing him told him they were FBI (but if you have read over the FBI documents recently released by the Freedom of Information Act on the ACLU website these people were probably contracted security pretending to be FBI) … I was taking the notes as he described how they pulled out one of his fingernails. I listened as he described the beatings and showed us the scars. I felt myself becoming very angry at the thought of these horrible actions being done by my own countrymen and women.

"James says that, ‘A person’s anger cannot promote the justice of God.’ No matter if we succumb to anger, harden ourselves against anger or absorb anger; none of these ways can promote the justice of God. But does that mean we are not allowed to feel anger? James says that we need to be slow to anger and that first we need to listen carefully, next to put some words to our feelings and then finally express our anger. But clearly he does not say ‘never become angry’ … So then what do we do with our anger? James says we need to turn that anger over to God and then, ‘Quietly accept the messages planted in our hearts’."

One month later, Fox was headed back to Iraq.

You can read more from Tom Fox’s blog, Waiting in the Light, in part two of "Do not do what you hate," Exerpts from Tom Fox’s Iraq Blog.


Christian Peacemaker Teams has been present in Iraq since October 2002, providing first-hand, independent reports from the region, working with detainees of both United States and Iraqi forces, and training others in non-violent intervention and human rights documentation. Christian Peacemaker Teams is a violence reduction program. Teams of trained peacemakers work in areas of lethal conflict around the world.

For more information and to learn on ways to support the hostages still held in Iraq, visit the website of the Christian Peacemaker Teams at: http://www.cpt.org